So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
