Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
