if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
