you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
