Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
