we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
