I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
