My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
