I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
