I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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