I didn't shave. On purpose
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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