No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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