Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
