Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
