What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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