My brain says no but my pants say off.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
