so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
