she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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