i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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