How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
