I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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