He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
