i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
