Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
