So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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