First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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