i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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