Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We're too hungover to prance.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
