she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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