I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
