he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
