Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
