i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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