Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
