I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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