Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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