MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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