I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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