Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
