also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
