I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
