brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
