hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
