When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
ttyl tear gas
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
