i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
