I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
