dude i'm inner monologue high
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize