Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
