i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
These tits shall not be calmed
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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