I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
