So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
