I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
