I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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