My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
