What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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