just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
