Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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