so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
