Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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