how do flat chested girls get laid?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
