so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
