First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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