So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
