yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
