It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
