I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
