I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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