We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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