I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
