ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
too bad you live with your parents still
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He? As in you personified your dick?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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