im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
