im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
