He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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