i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
