He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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