you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
