Kiss
Puke
Where is the hickey?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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