Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
