what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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