FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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