Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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