I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So apparently I’m into choking now
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
