that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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