what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
