You made me cry and you don't even care
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
