Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
