I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
