Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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