i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
